Longing for Him

I'm blogging again...I actually have something to talk about and share.  I feel like I'm coming out of a wilderness or a desert.  One that I'm thankful for!   It was so good for my soul to pull away from the crowd, so to say, to be desperate for the Lord. To be fed manna from Him - my daily bread.  Each day He gave me enough grace for the next.  Never more than I needed and never less that I needed.  He taught me each day to trust Him.  Trust that He would show up.  Maybe not in the "big" ways He did before, but in the everyday things..the things that normally could go unnoticed, or taken for granted.

The other day I had a couple of hours away from home while my sister in law babysat.  I went to Starbucks and then just sat in the Kroger parking lot sipping my soy latte and listening to worship music.  I turned it up and just sang along to the Lord, my soul empty and desperate for His presence.  It was one of those times, when you start to cry, because finally, You feel His presence and it's been so long and you have SO much to say and so much you want to express and you so want to finally be heard. And the best part is that you realize, what you are expressing to Him, is actually originating from Him.  I began to miss the days where He seemed so big and prevalent in all the "great" things He was doing around me and in spite of me.  I began to desperately ask Him to please be that big in my now little every days. The days I spend all day at home with the precious child I love.  Why can't He be as big in my everyday at home, caring and nurturing and learning to discipline my little one?  That's truly where I want Him to be big.  I want to feel His presence in the beauty of those times with my longed for son.  Oh, there have been and are times that I do, but they seem so small compared to the "big" things of my past.  But they aren't...and I long to see them as big or bigger than those times.  This is the BIG time in my life.  This is what I have waited for.  "Lord, be magnified in my life no matter where I am serving or to whom... May you be BIG and me small.  I want to be SMALL Lord."  In Jesus' Name...