It's been a few weeks since I've personally blogged. I've really wrestled with what to say. I feel so conflicted these days...I have always advocated for adoption and orphan care - it's been my calling and career for the last 10 years! Yet, here we are, pregnant with our first baby.
This is awesome news of course! But, we were in the process of adopting a little girl from Ethiopia and of course, as God would have it, we finally became pregnant! Honestly, I couldn't believe my emotions at first. They were so contradictory to what I thought they would have been. I wasn't that excited. I just felt shocked, overwhelmed, scared and mostly...sad. Why was I sad? I knew it was because the little girl I had seen in all the photos might now not get to go home to us.
Still today, at almost 7 months pregnant, I wonder...will she ever become a part of our family or will we continue to give birth to more and more children? I am now VERY happy to be pregnant and cannot wait to meet this little man, but my hope diminishes daily for bringing her home. Mainly b/c nothing is happening with her case in Ethiopia any way, but we could STILL adopt another child...right? But at 39 years old, you can't wait too long if you do want to have birth children....so where is my place in this calling? How do I walk it out? Where is my voice?
All these thoughts and emotions make me feel like my word or my thoughts aren't as important and I feel like a hypocrite. I so burn for the orphans and sending out God's people to care for them and I so celebrate every adoption I hear about, yet, I CAN'T travel to visit the orphan OR adopt right now!!!! Am I a hypocrite? Will people judge me and think I'm not walking out what I am preaching?
I was wearing our "Visit" t-shirt the other day at Starbucks. A sweet woman who was standing behind me in line came up to me and said, "I think it is SO neat that you are wearing that shirt about orphans, yet you are pregnant." I'm sure I looked totally shocked and perplexed as I didn't get it at first...but then slowly she started explaining. "Well, it's just so neat that are expecting your own child yet still advocating and not forgetting the orphan." She had no idea how much she encouraged me! I wish I had written down her contact information just so I could thank her for those words.
So, as I enjoy this long awaited season in my life..this yearning to finally bear a child and be a mom, I pray you will understand my heart. A calling is irrevocable. It is what it is. Just know that each trip I send out, I wish I was on...Each day I think about the little girl who might possibly be in our home one day IF we receive a miracle. Yet all the while, I am celebrating these days and looking forward to welcoming Jordan Robert into his forever family! In the meantime, I get to continue to do the background work - sending out the most amazing people of God to love and care for the orphans. I had my time - now it's YOURS!.
Follow along as I take this mission seriously and minister to the orphans in this world.
Visiting Orphans...It pretty much speaks for itself. Our lives are made to give away to others and I love it that helping orphans is pure and undefiled religion! Follow along as I take God seriously about this mission and minister to the orphans in this world. He is constantly at work in our lives..we just sometimes have to shift our perspective to notice Him. I pray you will hopefully see Him in the words and pictures below..through my perspective.
This blogpage follows the mission trips I lead to minister to orphans in this world. I am the Executive Director of a mission sending agency called Visiting Orphans. (www.visitingorphans.org) I believe my mission in life is similar to the President of Compassion International, Dr. Wes Stafford. In his book, "Too Small to Ignore" he says, "On one side of this international bridge, my role is to minister to the poor, to the orphans, to "comfort the afflicted." And then I cross the bridge, coming back to the Western, more affluent world, where my job is to speak and write and to "affict the comfortable" to call them to action." Loving people on both sides of the spectrum...
I pray that something in my words or pictures will inspire you to reach out beyond yourself...to GO and help the "least of these".